I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
