i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They took my balls.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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