I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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