i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
