Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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