Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
