My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
