STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
