to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
