he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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