I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
