u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
