YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to make out with him forever
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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