I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
