I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
