He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
