I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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