I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
