fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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