The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
