i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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