Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules