He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.