im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.