You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.