I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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