There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
