U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
