This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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