haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
