weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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