another moral hangover. fuck.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
