Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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