She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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