ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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