you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
