Have you finally orgasmed yet?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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