Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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