quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
