I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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