Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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