Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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