she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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