i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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