hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
