How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
