Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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