Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
