someone owes me an orgasm
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize