and you said cock pushups were impossible
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
