I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
