He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's the barista slut.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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