then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
