Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
