i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You ruined the universe
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
