fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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