omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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