ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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