you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
