Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
