I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
