I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
