I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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